Active Listening: the key ingredient for effective communication

Effective communication is the number one tool to succeed in any endeavor, said Les Brown, one of my favorite motivational speakers. He said that communication determines whether people vote for you; write you a check; invest in what you do; and buy your services and products.

Communication is the key to create and sustain relationships at home, work, and in the marketplace. Relationship without communication is a handgun without bullets. Fortunately, those of us who joined Toastmasters believed in the importance of communication. That is why we joined this world-class organization that provides its members the opportunities to improve our communication skill.

However, mastering communication is not an easy task. It takes to invest time and show some serious efforts. It also requires understanding that effective communication consists of the three most important triads: relating, connecting, and listening. We should also know that effective communication isn’t a one-way street as many communication experts agree. It isn’t all about talking, oratory, and even convincing the other side. The two parties should come into concordance through coding and decoding the messages transmitted. As much as effective communication involves speaking, it also entails listening. The latter is the most important part of the equation. For that matter, communication without active listening is incomplete.

Therefore, as we communicate with our loved ones, co-workers, and partners, we should make sure to listen their side of the story too if our desire is to communicate our messages and also earn their trust. We need to listen their feedbacks, and also make sure to read their unexpressed questions, doubts, and concerns they may have. Without active listening, it is hard to pick these signals. That is why many relationships and partnerships have been ruined. When people are asked why their relationship failed, they say something like this: “He or she doesn’t listen to me”.

When we have an active listening skill, not only we succeed in communicating in a given instance, but also enable the relationship to continue. Once people see that we listen, they are encouraged to further continue relating with us. They consider us respectful and trustworthy persons. They trust us for their time. They also know that we care and love them. This is because listening is an expression of love. That is why Paul Tillich said: the first duty of love is listening.

Any ways, what is active listening? First, what active listening is not? It is not just giving our ears and nodding our head while the other person talks. It takes to give our whole being- our ears, mind, soul, and heart. We know that we have fully developed active listening, as Peter Drucker noted, when we listen “what isn’t being said”.

The challenge is why many of us fail to listen wholeheartedly? One or more of the following reasons may apply. We may be:

• Preoccupied with personal pressing and urgent matters. Rather than giving our full attention while the other person talks, we may think about issues that are on our plate.

• Absorbed by what we would reply as soon as the speaker finishes. Sometimes, we may not even wait until the person finishes his messages; we may interrupt, and make sure our points of views are heard.

• Engrossed with preconceived biases towards the person, his beliefs, or messages. When we have prejudice towards the speaker, chances are high that we may not listen what he has to say.

• Distracted by external factors. These factors could be related to the environment, the people around us, and/or the way the speaker is dressed or his styles, and movements. We engage our eyes and divert our attention towards those things that are nothing to do with the message the other person is trying to extend. We criticize silently how the place should be organized; the person is dressed, behaved, and acted than listening what he is saying.

• Engaged with our emotion than heart. The moment we hear some offending terms or ideas, or disagree with the speaker; we are caught up with disagreeing spirit, and stop listening the reminder of the talk. We cannot wait to react angrily or leave the conversation.

The final question is how can we discipline ourselves and start to listen actively?

• First, we need to embrace listening as the key ingredient for effective communication.

• We should also train ourselves to listen consciously. Listening hasn’t always been my strong suit. I have got some results but I am still working on it. These days, I train myself consciously to listen until the other person finishes his/her thoughts. I train myself to ask clarifications and follow-up questions before making statements.

• If you aren’t yet, join Toastmasters that gives you chances to improve your communication, and listening skills. Those of us who are members, we should use every opportunity to train ourselves listen actively.

• Get feedback from people around you to know whether you listen to them.

More than Bargained for: Our Area 62 International Speech and Evaluation Contests

Yes, indeed, the gavel sounded at just past 2:00 p.m. EDT on Sunday, 11th March, and the International Speech and Evaluation contests were exhilarating. In the rare occurrence, we were served the icing before the cake.

Silver Spring 1314 president Joan Phillips, in her role as Contest Master, pulled off a surprise drama. As a prelude, Area 62 governor Mel Bayo took center stage and showcased a bit of gallantry as he assisted her with putting on the final "touch of elegance"--her complimentary sweater. Joan then unleashed her vocal composition of "It's a Beautiful Day in the Area." This was a welcome treat to which she invited the audience to participate. It was a graceful stage performance--the kind for which Julie Andrews is famous.

With such an invigorating stage setting, the contest progressed with a fancy flair. Our contestants, Maxine Blanks and Shirley Jarvis, represented our club well. Shirley had the audience enthralled as she gave a rather "potent" rendition of her speech titled "The Devil in Disguise." Can you guess what that is?

Maxine "took the cake"! She was awarded the first place trophy for the Evaluation contest! With her budding critical listening and thinking skills, she delivered her carefully structured evaluation of Beth Mizuno's provocative speech titled "My Auntie Kai." Beth brought a bit of Hawaiian cultural chant to life onstage. She is a member of the NRC Toastmasters.

Silver Spring 1314 will be represented by Maxine at the Division F Evaluation Contest slated for Sunday, April 22nd. Kudos to you, Maxine!

The first place trophy for the International Speech went to Justin Fry of Monument Toastmasters. Justin took us on an emotional ride with his evocative "She Said No" speech. Thunderous applause followed the happy conclusion when she finally said yes!

Toastmasters contests seem to offer more than bargained for, and yesterday's contest certainly delivered. Guys, if you missed the speech contest, make a point of asking Teddy Walker of Toast USS about the "magic" in wearing a pink shirt. Speaking of magic, did you know that Calvin Robinson of Top Notch Toastmasters is "running" inspiration?

Hats off to Mel and the host of volunteers who blended hearts and hands in pulling together such exciting and rewarding contests. Let's look at a few notable mentions: Andrea Tolbert of Holy Cross Words was Sgt-at-Arms. Her winning smile and confidence overshadowed any clues to the fact that this was her debut role in an Area contest. Karin Francis, Area 66 governor, was Chief Judge. And the all-important Timing was managed by Una Mae Kettering, Division F governor, with her Timer-in-Training, Pauline Brown.

Renee Davis of Silver Spring 1314 continued her enthusiastic strides for growth and success in Toastmasters. She was on top of things, both at the front of the house with registration and back stage with ballot counting. Desiree Payne provided her usual quiet support.

It was a delight to have Ida Hayes, past president of Silver Spring 1314, attend in support of our contestants. Welcome back, Ida!

This was truly a delightful experience. Commendations to you, Mel, on your dedicated and competent leadership in executing another Area 62 contest!

--by Pauline Brown, Silver Spring Toastmasters Club 1314 VP Education

Mitigating Culture Shock

In this globalized and highly networked world of the 21^st century, culture shock is more prevalent than ever before. 

Almost all of us have been exposed to other cultures, thanks to globalization and the Internet. Many reading this blog have been virtually connected, related, or have worked with diverse people from different cultures using advanced telecommunication tools or, at least, befriended them on social networks such as Facebook and LinkedIn. 

In short, we have crossed cultures. We have either been exposed to or visited or lived in cultures other than our own. 

What do all people have in common when they first cross culture? They experience culture shock, especially before familiarizing themselves with the new culture. 

So, what is culture shock? 

According to Wikipedia, culture shock is the anxiety, feelings of frustration, alienation and anger that may occur when a person is placed in a new culture.

Why do we feel these symptoms? 

Because we haven’t prepared for the new culture. We have been nurtured and shaped by our own culture in certain ways and when we are exposed to a culture different from ours, we don't know how to communicate, behave or do things in that particular culture. So we display signs of frustration. 

Of course, the magnitude of the shock may vary from person to person. For some, it might be equivalent to a 1 or 2 on the Richter scale while for others it might be even greater like a 7 or 8. 

I personally experienced culture shock when I was exposed to the cultures of some countries in western and southern Africa. I traveled there while I was a student leader at Addis Ababa University in 1997/98. It happened again, more than six years ago, during my early days in the US.

Because culture shock cannot be completely avoided, how can it be mitigated?

Here are four suggestions.

 

First, we should understand the major cultural divides in the world. Many culture experts agree that the world cultures can hypothetically be divided into individual-based and communal-based cultures. Most of the western countries such as the US, Canada, and Europe can be categorized under individual-based cultures while cultures in continents such as Africa, Asia, and South America can be categorized as communal-based cultures. Of course, we have subcultures within these broader categories. There are also exceptional individuals who may not display all of the features of the culture they are living in.

We can compare and contrast these two broad cultural divides using three known parameters suggested by culture experts: Context, Time, and Space. Let me just take one of these indicators and make a comparison. The culture we Ethiopians grown up, as a high context culture, most people express themselves and their ideas covertly, implicitly, and non-verbally. Most people are reserved to express themselves, and are inward. When I came to the US, I observed the opposite. As a low context culture, most Americans expressed themselves and their ideas overtly, explicitly, and verbally.

Second, we should also take time to study and research the main characteristics of a given culture before we cross it. We should go to libraries and read about the culture we are intending to visit. Internet is also a great resource to carryout the research.

Third, we should use every opportunity in our neighborhood, workplace, and in the marketplace to interact with people from diverse cultures. Toastmasters is another avenue we should consider to expose ourselves to various cultures.

Last but not least, we should also take some advices from individual adherents who lived in that particular culture we anticipate to visit. We should ask them to give us the most important aspects of the culture and the things we should pay closer attention. These ways, we may at least avoid catastrophic cultural slurs, and mitigate the magnitude of culture shock we may experience.

In conclusion, culture matters. It determines who we would become at the end of the day. It makes or breaks us. It releases or binds us. Thus, we should understand the impact of the culture we live in, and shed those cultural elements that restrain us from progressing and succeeding. We should also embrace multiculturalism, and develop cross-cultural communication skills so that we may mitigate culture shock, effectively communicate, relate, and work with various people from diverse cultures. Toastmasters is a great place to expose ourselves to multiculturalism. More than any other organization in the world, it gives us opportunities to improve our cross-cultural communication skill. If you are not yet a member, join the nearest Toastmasters in the place where you live or work, and start to expose yourselves to diverse cultures, and learn how to communicate with people from different cultures.

Area 62 International Speech and Evaluation Contests!

Silver Spring Toastmasters......

You've GOT to be there!

The District 36, Division F Area 62

International Speech and Evaluation Contests

Here's the details.......

March 11, 2012 2-5pm

Takoma Park Presbyterian Church

310 Tulip Ave, Takoma Park MD

Doors for Set Up 1pm

Registration Begins 1:30pm

Briefings 1:45pm

Come support your club contestants and Area!

Ignite Your Potential......See YOU There!